There is premade ham in a box, cheese bites, red and
green gummybears filled with vodka, home rolled bread, red and green floral arrangements,
literal gay gag gifts, biggest bulge raffles (for charity of course), name tags,
and me; the black Grinch doing Jager shots in the kitchen corner.
Couples parties was one of the few obligations I had
to endure after “dating” Franco for a whole seven days and this week it was all
about the holiday party.
Not wanting to show up empty handed, I brought a
moderately priced red wine that I left in Franco’s car because he assured me
they did not care what I brought. (I would have re-gifted that wine to one of my
best friends for her birthday if I had not broken it in my driveway in a drunken
stupor; I guess the universe frowns on re-gifting, too.)
Inside Michael’s (the host) tidy Port Huron home, it
was an archeological dig site. Every man I met had the muscular remains of someone
who was very gorgeous in their hay day. Now they were middle aged and in the
closest thing to marriage the state of Michigan allows for two gay men. If anyone
at all still sat on their laps, it would be to read their Christmas list.
This
was my first official couples mixer and was it cold. It turns out, if you were
not in a relationship, you were supposed to talk to the single guys at these
events. While Franco texted in the corner, I went to
network, which was easy because we were required to wear name tags.
Tim, who was just getting into the marketing company
he worked for, was pulled away by his boyfriend and given the, you-should-not-be-talking-to-this-guy
look. To avoid another Tim-like situation, I talked to pairs: James and Rob
were all about the power of two.
“We” love this, “we” don’t do that, “our” future, and
“our” friends; I could never get used to speaking for two, and some say this is
why I should not be in a relationship. It always felt like I was talking to the
same person. Do my friends really have to become “our” friends? Is this how a
successful relationship works or were they foolish?
So I had to wonder, is being a couple about two
people coming together to work as a couple, or is it about two people working
to become the same person?
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